


The Jedi Commissioner

by BelovedDaughter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Humor, In which Yoda has a brilliant idea, Jedi, Jedi Cloaks, Parody, Pink lightsabers, tie dye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 20:24:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7728565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelovedDaughter/pseuds/BelovedDaughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Jedi Temple Commissioner is tired of requisitioning Jedi over-robes. Every time a Jedi gets into a fight, they throw off their robes. And more than half the time, by the time the fight is finished, the robe is stolen/destroyed/forgotten about and left behind. The commissioner has had enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Jedi Commissioner

Deep in the heart of the Jedi Temple laid the office of the Jedi Commissioner. If you were to ask him, he would say that he had one of the toughest jobs out of all the Jedi. Why?

Two words: Cloak. Requisitions.

Every time a Jedi gets into a fight, what was the first thing they did? It wasn't drawing their lightsaber. They threw off their cloak. They then proceeded to stomp around fighting "the bad guys".

More than half the time, before the fight was over, the cloak would be destroyed, torn, singed, stolen, or just plain forgotten about.

Then said Jedi found themselves without a Jedi cloak. What did they do next? They came and asked for another cloak.

Some Jedi were far worse about it than others.

That Mace Windu fellow for example. He liked to requisition cloaks that were extremely unpractical to fight in. Just look at the sleeves on those things! So anytime the Jedi Master fought, there was more fabric to risk getting singed, cut, stomped on, etc. Thank the Force that the man was on the Jedi Council and thus rarely went on missions requiring him to fight.

Another was that Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Commissioner shuddered. Ever since Kenobi had been apprenticed to the late Qui-Gon Jinn, he had become a regular and predictable sight in the Commissioner's office. It was almost guaranteed that if Kenobi was in a fight, somehow his cloak would be destroyed.

The Commissioner had heard some quite ridiculous stories that Kenobi had tried to convince him of what happened to his cloaks. The Commissioner snorted. At the rate Kenobi's excuses came, he wouldn't be surprised one day if Kenobi tried to report his cloak had fallen into lava and spontaneously combusted.

It was all that Qui-Gon Jinn's fault too. Ever since the Commissioner had refused to use Temple funds to buy the "Super-Stylin' Deluxe Jedi Cloak" for Jinn, it was as if Jinn had a personal vendetta against the Commissioner and seemed to "loose" his cloak as often as possible.

Worse, he passed it on to his padawan, who seems to have passed it off to HIS padawan. Yes, that Skywalker was in here quite often too, much to the vexation of the Commissioner.

Why couldn't more Jedi be responsible about their cloaks? Was it really too much to ask for? It wasn't like he was asking the Jedi to single-handedly kill the Sith Lord.

The commissioner froze as he heard footsteps heading towards his office. It sounded like two pairs of feet, probably a Master-Padawan combo, freshly back from a mission. It had better not be Kenobi and Skywalker again, because if it was…

The door slid open in front of the Commissioner's desk, revealing… Kenobi and Skywalker.

The Disastrous Duo (as the Commissioner always called them in the privacy of his own head) cautiously made their way into the Commissioner's office. After all, they were quite well aware of the Commissioner's thinly-veiled antipathy towards them.

Kenobi stepped forward. He cleared his throat.

"We would like to requisition another set of Jedi cloaks…." He began.

The Commissioner felt another headache coming on.

"What was it this time?" he snapped. "You fought giant mutilated jawas riding fire-breathing Krayt dragons on the planet Hoth while rescuing a princess?"

Anakin's jaw dropped. "How did you know…?" he asked.

The Commissioner just stared.

"Never mind."

"So about those cloaks…"

"Out!" Shouted the Commissioner, pointing his finger at the two Jedi. "Out of my office! I don't want to see the two of you for a good month! Is that really too much to ask for?"

"But…"

"OUT!"

Thirty minutes later, Yoda waddled into the office. "Considered have you my request to order neon orange Jedi cloaks?" he asked.

"The answer is no." The Commissioner said firmly.

"Purple, then?"

"No!"

"Bright yellow, all the rage will be."

"NO! Jedi cloaks are brown! Always were and always will be! Brown! Not orange, purple, yellow, or tie-dyed!"

Yoda got a glazed look in his eye. "Tie-dyed... Decided I have! Tie-dyed cloaks the Jedi must have!" He waved his walking stick emphatically.

"NO MEANS NO!"

Just then Mace poked his head into the office. "Has my new batch of cloaks arrived yet?" He inquired.

Yoda spun to face the Jedi Master. "Consider, will you wearing tie-dyed?"

Mace looked taken aback. "Would that clash with my lightsaber?"

"You need not use pink in tie-dyed."

"MY LIGHTSABER IS NOT PINK!"

"Protest you do over-much."

"It's PURPLE! A nice, manly purple!"

"Pink-purple?"

"No!"

"Purple-pink?"

"Master Yoda..."

Just then the two Council members found themselves pushed out of the Commissioner's office and the door slammed in their faces. Well, as much as an electronic and automatic door can slam anyway.

A few hours later found the Commissioner sipping a cup of calming tea and relaxing. What a stressful day it had been for him. The Disastrous Duo AND Yoda AND Mace. Was it really too much to ask for peace and quiet?

His comm-link chirped. He picked it up and turned it on. "Yes?"

His friend and comrade, the Jedi Master Chef, replied. "Have you heard about Yoda's new campaign?"

"No..." the Commissioner slowly responded as a sinking feeling began to fill his stomach.

"Master Yoda has started a campaign to get tie-dyed Jedi cloaks approve. Most of the younger Knights and Padawans have supported his campaign so far. They claim it's high-time that some color was added around here."

"You can't be serious."

"Serious as the grave."

"They want to throw away a thousand years of Jedi History and Tradition for personal opinions on fashion? It's an Outrage!"

"Master Yoda claims that it is the Will of the Force."

"And you believe him?"

"...He IS Master Yoda..."

The Jedi Commissioner snorted. "Just because he's older than dirt does NOT mean that he can claim that what he wants is the Will of the Force!"

There was silence from the other end, then "Try telling Master Yoda that."

The very next day all Jedi got notices sent to them to meet in the Jedi Amphitheater* as Yoda had an important announcement. The Jedi Commissioner went to the meeting with his stomach in knots. He had a sinking feeling he knew what was coming.

Master Yoda stood on the stage, waiting for the Jedi to finish filing in. Once the last Jedi knight had taken her seat, Yoda began his announcement. "Discovered I have that the Force mandates tie-dyed Jedi cloaks. Argue you shall not against the Force. Tie-dyed Jedi cloaks we must wear."

Yoda's announcement caused a ripple effect of applause to spring up, then be reinforced as Jedi after Jedi began to applaud this announcement.

The Commissioner sunk his head between his hands. His doom was at hand. This is how the dignity of the Jedi Order would end: to the sound of ringing applause.

A week later, the newly requisitioned tie-dyed Jedi cloaks had arrived. The Jedi Commissioner had reluctantly ordered them and made the announcement that the new Jedi cloaks had arrived and all Jedi were to come and pick up their new wardrobe item. Master Yoda had graciously allowed the Commissioner the use of the Jedi Amphitheater as the Commissioner's office was too small to handle the mass of bodies as Jedi after Jedi arrived for his or her new cloak.

Master Yoda was there too, nodding his approval as Jedi after Jedi tried on their new multi-colored cloaks.

In the meantime, the Coruscant Daily News had been tipped off that every Jedi had been recalled to the Jedi Temple but nobody knew why. The media was buzzing with theories but no proof.

Because of this, the press had been hanging around the Jedi Temple, hoping to be able to interview the first Jedi they found leaving the Jedi Temple.

"Hey Bert, check this out! There is something colorful moving this way from the Jedi Temple!" shouted one holo-cam recorder to a reporter.

"Bert" turned and stared. Then stared some more.

"Are they... wearing what I think they are?" he asked in astonishment.

"I think I see it too." was the response.

"Right. Well. That's... different."

"Yup. Different."

"Are they really?"

"Apparently."

"Really, really?"

"Darn it Bert! You're not hallucinating, even though your eyes might be currently watering from the sight!"

"...Well, at least we have our story for the day..."

"...right."

*Of course the Jedi have an amphitheater! Where else would they put on their annual plays and meetings. In fact, next month, they are putting on an ancient classic, "The Importance of Being Earnest", staring Masters Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Siri Tachi and Asajj Ventress. What's this you say about Asajj being a dark Jedi? Nonsense! You mean you actually believe those rumors? It's not like she goes around with a red lightsaber, trying to kill, murder, and torture people after all, is it?


End file.
